I Never Knew

[MENT]

I never knew…

I never knew
What was going on in God’s mind
So I asked him to open up my third eye, so I could see
And He allowed me
To look out the window
So I pierced pass the pane
And I
Can see clearly now
I was depressed
So I had a little talk with Jesus and I
Told him all about my struggles
Like..
Rev 21: 4 God, You said You would wipe all my tears away
But how come I drown in them every single Mother’s Day?
In II Kings 20:5 you said that you have heard my prayer, and
You would will heal me
But I am still addicted to cocaine
Still afflicted with more pain
My mental still enchained
I even fell off the soul train
Yes we fall down
But we get up
I can’t seem to get up…
on the good foot

Matthew 21:22 And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer,
Believing ye shall receive.
But although I believe
And I
Stay on my knees
I
can’t see the forest
through all these green trees.
And
These green trees fed me poison
That they disguised as wisdom
As I number crunched in the dark
I could not calculate the arc
of the cipher
To fend against the wiles of the green trees
And since I was hungry…
I ate
When I ate I…
Felt like Eve and I suffered like Job, and I didn’t have a job
And looked like a slob,
But I was not wearing red
And I was in a jam
Which was all that remained
With a half of loaf of bread
That kept me fed
Or fed fucx up
Well it doesn’t matter which
Because they both make me sick
Cause man can’t live off bread alone
But he can surely die from it…
Alone

And God Said
I AM
That joy in the time of sorrow

Let me remind you from whence came you,
Its not that you do not remember, its that you never knew
Like..

How could you remember…
The personal relationship your mother and I had
How I told her that I would never give her more than
What she could handle
Her last breath
and
Last Light was with Me
I AM
The one who blew out that candle
But not before I let her live and love.


How could you remember…
The doctor saying she would die before she was thirteen
Or them saying that she would never bear her seeds
Or that she would bury the children she adored?
Those same children that she was told she could not bore.

How could you remember…
How ready she was to leave the pain
To see the sunshine after the rain
To live the life that she was destined at
Seven…
I AM
The one who awarded her the celestial wings
and she did the blackstroke into heaven.


How could you remember…
That car accident when you faded to black
And I showed you what could’ve been
Then I…
Brought you back
How could you remember...
The roll over after going over
The divider
Your face mashed up
And your skull crushed
Teeth protruding from your zygomaticus
Almost taking your life, and killing Curtis?
How could you remember…
ME over saturating time
Placing five minutes into a thirty second time slot
And the EMS personnel thinking thirty seconds is all they got
Me bringing have life
to the life you had not
How could you remember…
You begging ME to say that last goodbye?
Come on MENT
How could you remember?

[MENT]

I am humbled and honored by your critique of my poetry. Thank you once again my brother.

[Shaman]

One of the most potent aspects of poetry is its capacity to hold both the searing pain and the sweet sunlight at the same time. I think this is probably part of the secret formula that makes poetry that special temple of healing--the literary Balm of Gilead. Of course, it is this same aspect of poetry that demands so much of the poet--that he or she be brave and unflinching and visceral while forever bending toward the sunlight--even during the night. You are that kind of poet.

And perhaps, Brave Griot, the "candle" in your poem was never blown out. Perhaps that light glows forever in you.

Blessings,

Shaman